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Marriage Agency~~July 6, 2024

I'm going to be a little vulnerable today, so please be patient with me. 　(ﾟーﾟ*)

I took a long walk with Meiko after a date I had yesterday. Yes, I started dating again after five years. Honestly, I was scared. There is so much stigma about single mothers out there. If a woman does something wrong in a relationship, people immediately say, "It's because she's a single mother." (｡-ω-) Honestly that made me terrified to date. 

When I had Moemi, I really wanted a baby more than anything else. Although her father offered to marry me, I declined because he had completely changed after my pregnancy (plus I only viewed him as a donor). We had been friends since 2013, but everything changed so suddenly. The change was so frightening that I left Japan while I was freshly pregnant because I was scared of what he might do to me and went back to my parents in America. Now, I'm back in Japan permanently because everything was situated. 

I find myself in a situation where I want at least two more children. I love being a mother. Although I live a very unconventional life and I'm a very unconventional person, I know I don't want my other pregnancies out of wedlock.

So, I joined a marriage agency last week!

(　＾ω＾) That was the big news I wanted to share. I didn't want to talk about it until after my first omiai (marriage meeting). It took me a long time to finally sign up. I even had to go to Okinawa to get a single avadavit notarized because the Tokyo embassy didn't have any avalible appointment slots open for months! 

I won't give the name of the agency (it's a popular one) or the names of the men I go out with for privacy reasons. However, I did want to document my experience as a very tall, single foreign mother, using this service. It's expensive, but I think it's worth it because everyone involved is more serious. I had joined a different agency that was free, and I plan on deleting my profile because the results are nowhere near as good as the paid one.

It's nothing like Pairs, Omiai, Tinder, Bumble, or any of the dating apps. These are people who are truly single (they go through an extensive background check) and looking for a spouse. It's very straightforward, which was very enticing.

Men don't approach me, but they may smile while staring. I think it's because Moemi isn't in nursery yet, so I always have her with me and men probably assume i'm already married.

 The last time a man approached me was at Tokyo station. He was very good-looking, in a nice suit because he was coming from a work meeting, and he was very respectful. He first wanted to tell me I was beautiful and apologized if my husband was around but said he just had to tell me I was beautiful and so tall, which he loved. I thanked him and told him it was fine because I was a single mother. He immediately said, "sorry." (・_・;

I wasn't sure if he was sorry about answering wrong or me being a single mother. He quickly introduced himself told me he was Korean and living in Japan permanently and asked if he could take me out sometime. 

Long story short, I went out with him a few times. He would blow up my phone asking me where I was, what I was doing, and when I would be free. I loved the attention, and started really liking him but I noticed every time he suggested we go out, it wasn't in his area. He would suggest really nice restaurants, but they were outside his ward. So I suspected he was already in a relationship. I kept asking, but he kept denying it. One day, I told him I wouldn't be mad if he told me honestly if he was in a relationship, but if he wasn't honest, I would block him and never speak to him again. He finally admitted to having a girlfriend prior, but when I started asking, he broke up with her.

( .__. )

I obviously didn't believe that, so I blocked him. 

That whole experience made me worried because the dating market could be saturated with people who are already in relationships or married. So I figured, especially as a mother, I didn't want to waste my time with people who weren't sincere. So I joined the agency!

I actually joined last week. When a man sends an application to go on an omiai with you, it takes time to set it up.

Here's the process:

1. A person sends you an omiai request.

2. You have to accept or deny the request.

3. If you accept, you provide three dates you're available and the area you want the person to come to.

4. Your counselor sees it and sends it to their counselor.

5. Their counselor sees it and sends it to the interested party.

6. They talk it over with their counselor to see if the dates and location work.

7. If changes need to be made, they ask your counselor if it's okay.

8. Your counselor consults with you, and if you agree, an omiai is set.

It's a lot of steps, and most agencies are closed on weekends. Also, you have to respond to the request within seven days, or it will expire.

From my understanding, my counselor doesn’t let requests come to me if a man doesn't meet my criteria. For instance, if he smokes, she will deny the request before I even see it.

Aside from my first omiai yesterday, I have another two omiais currently being scheduled. I accepted their applications and gave my available dates. It's really hard to live your life normally after joining an agency because you have to remain available for the dates you request until the other party agrees to them. I always suggest the location should be in Minato-ku since I don't want to leave my ward. Of course, a babysitter would be called, so I have three different babysitters in case the request is last minute.

I think that's everything so far.  The date yesterday didn't go well because the language barrier was too great. I think once Moemi is finally in Nursery school I'll finally have time to study Japanese but until then it will be difficult.

 I will talk about the dates themselves another time in more depth, but I have to go grocery shopping for dinner tonight!

It's been so hot lately, so please stay safe and cool.